E3 2015 Impressions: EA

It makes me tremble. It makes me frightened. Don’t look directly at it.

Now up to the pitchers mount is EA. EA is known for being a huge gaming powerhouse that can occasionally deliver compelling titles and interesting sequels while also jumping into you wallet in the hopes of siphoning out additional cash. I expect we will see something worthwhile, something generic, and something Star Wars. So whip out those bingo sheets and get your tushie ready for EA to show things to your face that you may want to get.

Mass Effect: Andromeda

I peed a little. Not a lot, just a bit. Mainly because Mass Effect had some damn fine highs. Some bad lows, but I choose to look toward the possibility that this new entry can rock my socks off. What we saw was some CGI jazz that’s looking interesting. I like the new direction that emphasis discovery more than a desire to fight zombie bots in an elaborate suicide plan. This time I’ll get to suit up and play out my Star Trek fantasies of boldly going where no one has gone before.

I’d like to say more but it was brief, so…. NEXT!

Need For Speed

I speak for both I and Derek when I say I was a little disappointed that the live action character that we saw wasn’t Aaron Paul. Still that promise of a wide open world to get my drive on sounds nice and interesting. Thing is, I have no interest.

Let me sidebar for a sec and talk some racing games.

Racing games to me are like sports games, they offer tiny changes in each release no matter the title. For a racing game to grab me, it needs to be something that I would want to return to for more social needs than anything. Maybe if a new Burnout is announced and it comes with tones of modes, interesting social features, and a nice large map to play around in I would feel tingly. But Need for Speed dose nothing for me.


I’m a sucker for puzzle platform with a cutesy aesthetic. Unravel comes from an awkward European about a yarn bear thing that navigates a side scrolling world and avoids beavers, cars, and other things men struggle to handle. It looks like fun and it will be something I play in an afternoon and go to bed happy and satisfied.

Mirrors Edge Catalist

Happy! So gad damn Happy! It looks great. Runs better and it’s open world! Aside from all the crap that EA shells out it’s nice to see them give support to Mirrors Edge. Now I can live out my fantasies as a young fit Asian woman taking down a CEO by the name of Kruger.

Hopefully it will be a the best it can be while also not being so successful that EA milks the crap out if it. I know that’s like asking for pop music to be deep or youtubers to be subtle. It’s probably not gonna happen anytime soon.

Star Wars: Battlefront

Ummmm..Ok. Fine, it looks ok.

Then there’s the games like that Minions stuff, that has an audience, but this is a video game press conference dedicated to gamers that are looking for things they want to play in the future. So why god why would you include an iPhone game that people will buy on a whim. A game that will do nothing more than waste time. Please, no more of this. Please.

I didn’t talk about Knights of the Fallen Empire, Plants vs Zombies Garden Warfare 2, Sports game crap and so on not because I failed to notice their inclusion in the conference and because I don’t give a good god damn about em. You wanna fight me on it?! Well the Internet has yet to include that option so instead look to the next piece of E3 coverage we write and enjoy it like an angry toddler eating vegetables. You know it doesn’t taste good, but dammit it’s good for you!

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