Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, or as us single people are calling it this year, Friday.
Every Feburary 14th we’re all told to spend lots of money in order to continue telling that special someone that we care about them, or again if you’re single you just sit at home watching Netflix and cry a bit inside (thank you House of Cards Season Two).
However, relationships aren’t everything that they’re cracked up to be. Sometime, people aren’t great in relationships. This is also true for fictional characters.
So for this “special” day, let’s take a look at five of the worst relationships in fiction and feel just a little better about ourselves in the process.
Note: these entires are not in any particular order.
Rick Hunter/Hikaru Ichijyo and Linn Minmei/Lynn Minmay
I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up this horrible couple from both popular anime franchises; Macross and its North American cousin Robotech.
Their relationship is pretty common in everyday life. The guy is so interested in a girl that’s so out of his league that he ends up spending more time daydreaming about her than noticing the girl who’s interested in him, that being the older Lisa Hayes/Misa Hayase.
Worse yet, when the two are together the guy doesn’t seem to pick up that the woman is not only leading him on but brow beating him in the process.
During the middle of the Macross saga, Rick is trying everything to the interest of Minmei by giving her gifts and spends more of his money than he probably should to impress her however, Minmei isn’t having any of it. As it turns out she’s more interested in someone closer to her family tree.
While I’m not to familiar with the original Macross series, Robotech doesn’t do Minmei any favours as she’s portrayed as a more evil entity that the giant Zentradi who are trying to destroy the ship. Seriously this women is straight up awful to our hero Rick.
While Robotech is a classic and is one of the factors leading to anime’s popularity, it’s clear that the writers didn’t want the male audience to like Minmei. She’s pushy, mean spirited at times and ends up letting the fame go to her head.
Additionally she ends up falling in love with her equally dickish cousin…that’s just weird.
Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami/Asuka Langley Soryu
I’ll admit that this one is a bit of a stretch. At no point during the series’ original 26 episodes, sequel film or remake films have the creators shown Shinji in a real relationship with the two women.
Despite this at several points in the show, Shinji seems to have some kind of connection with each of the characters.
While Shinji is far from a ladies man, what with his lack of general knowledge of the opposite sex (or his own for that matter) he makes up for that by being a nice guy, something missing in both of the girls lives.
His good natured attitude towards the two, as well as his friendships with others ends up making him one of the more normal character’s in the show.
Granted he’s done a lot of bad things, the whole hospital incident at the beginning of The End of Evangelion for one (a scene very difficult to find on YouTube btw. If you haven’t seen it, it concerns wanking at the sight of a comatose girl.), he’s still one of the least screwed up characters in the show.
While his interest and at time thoughtfulness are noted neither the German psychopath nor the void doll really try to do anything to return the interest.
That could be due to the fact that one’s a clone whose soul purpose for existing is to destroy mankind and the other one is, as I said before, emotionally unstable if not insane. Additionally, the fact that Shinji is thrown into the classic anime trope of walking in on them changing or awkwardly falling them while they’re naked might make things more tense at times.
Either way there are moments where Shinji and the audience think that the girls are interested in him, only to be shot down.
Case and point Asuka even says as much right to Shinji’s face during the show. She states that if she couldn’t have him then no one else would. Asuka then turns around and continues calling him stupid like they’re in a Dexter’s Lab episode.
His sexual frustration and the whole having to save the world from giant alien god creatures really weighs on the guy and only manages to drive him farther away from people leading to the nightmare fuel that is the End of Evangelion.
Christy Hemme and Samuel Shaw:
As you’d of guessed by now, I consider pro wrestling fiction. It’s a scripted show featuring characters who play out storylines, much like a violent soap opera.
I also consider the current storyline featuring both ring announcer Christy Hemme and super fan/stocker/sometimes wrestler Sam Shaw one of the dumbest things TNA Wrestling has done and this is from a company that booked a reverse battle royal.
For those of you who have things to do on Thursday night’s that don’t revolve around watching Spike TV, the basic storyline is that Shaw is a fan of Hemme. Not to hard to believe she’s an attractive woman and has had a solid career in both TNA and the WWE.
However, he’s so attracted to her that he threatened another man with a knife at a restaurant for looking at her, and has some kind of shrine of her in his basement.
While we’ve all been there, (I mean who hasn’t created a shrine of their crush made out of their hair and garbage…really? No one?) this is still a really dumb story for a wrestling program.
I’ve written in the past that wrestling angles have to end in the ring. Having seen Hemme wrestle once of twice on TV, it’s clear that she’s not gonna throw done with him at a future show.
This storyline could only end if Hemme finds another guy to fight for her, those telling the audience that as a woman she couldn’t fight her own battles. Either that or her contract is almost up and she’ll be killed off the show…oddly enough she wouldn’t be the first person to be written off a wrestling show through death.
At any rate this is a dumb storyline and probably won’t do any favours for either of the performers or the writer who crapped out the idea.
Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark/Gale Hawthorne:
Let me start off by saying that unlike the first, the second film based upon the Suzanne Collins trilogy was pretty good. It was well made, the dialogue was solid and the story was interesting and peaked my interest in the next two films.
I should also say that I’ve never read the novels, nor do I plan on it at any point. So this part is souly based upon the films (sorry Roybnne).
That being said this is a horrible love story.
Katniss is presented with two love interests; Peeta, the bakers’ son who she’s literally killed for (in fact the only kill she had in the first film was done defending him) and Gale who’s portrayed in the films as handsome…and that’s about it.
All we know about Gale is that he likes Katniss and he works in a mine/steel mill or something. What we don’t see it how he’s important to anything that happens in the story.
Is he some a leader in the community? Will he help Katniss free Peeta from the evil Donald Sutherland? Why is he the only of the three with a normal name?
On the other hand Peeta is a physically weaker, kind of whinny guy who get’s by using his wits.
He uses his…cake decorating skills to hide (because a bakery in a dirt poor neighbourhood would sell a lot of cakes) and seems to not be confident enough to attract Katniss outside of the games.
So Katniss has to choose between Not Thor and his handsomeness or the shorter but more interesting/battle proven Peeta.
To me it’s not a hard choice yet according to the story it’s a big decision.
Doctor Krieger and his anime holograms/cyborgs
Who hasn’t tried to make their own Weird Science inspired wife? (Really? Again, no one? Damn.)
The good Doctor has become one of the more popular character’s in F/X’s Archer series, due to his clones, Rush knowledge, love of vans and his near marriage to a artificial intelligence.
However, when you couple all of these things together it makes him more than just a little creepy.
Additionally he might be a clone of Hitler…not sure what that means relationship wise but it’s still funny.
Scott Summers and Jean Grey
…Dark Phenoix Saga….need I say more?
Plus how many times are Marvel gonna bring her back from the dead? Poor Scott seems to only move on with life 10 issues before Grey comes back from the dead (before someone corrects me, know that this is a joke and that I don’t really care how many times she’s been revived).
She respawns more times than I do playing Halo online.
Romeo and Juliet
Shakespeare gave the world proof that 14 year olds shouldn’t marry. Also there’s the whole rival family thing there as well.
Plus, Baz Luhrmann ended up making the play even more pretentious that it was before…that’s kind of impressive.
Final Entire: Evil Shepard and the rest of the crew of the Normandy
Over the course of the Mass Effect trilogy the main character Shepard, as either a female of a male, can end up in a number of relationships with his crew depending on the decisions made during the game.
However, in some cases maybe Shepard isn’t the best lover. What with him/her possibly being f*cking evil!
Over the course the three games you can kill teammates (generally not by choice), bully shop owners and even beat up a journalist a possible three times. And that’s nothing compared to the fact that Shepard has to kill half million Batarian’s in order to delay the franchises main villain, the Reapers, from entering the solar system.
Why is that evil? Cause Shepard can just brush off the genocide right in the face of every alien he sees during the franchises third game.
While the character doesn’t have to do some of these things, most of these acts should make someone step back and realize just how messed up Shepard is.
Sure love makes you do weird things, but so does being freaking evil.
So that’s the list. I hope you enjoy your Valentine’s Day and feel free to leave your comments below.
Be seeing you.