Your Childhood Sucked: Bayblade

Beyblade_logo

Face it, it sucked.

This is a new feature where I’ll talk about those things from our childhood that…let’s just say sucked so bad that not even rose coloured glasses can’t help them.

Chances are if you were around the age of ten in the early 00s, you know what a Bayblade is. You’re also old enough to realize just how dumb the whole craze was.

For those who don’t know or drank the memories away, here’s the description in a nutshell:

Colourful spinning tops, coupled with an extremely cheesy television show and aggressive marketing campaign.

Or how the advertisers wanted you to think of them: WOW SPINNING TOPS! THEY LIKE SPIN AND HIT ONE ANOTHER! THEY’LL PROBABLY PUT YOUR EYE OUT! IF YOUR PARENTS DON’T BUY YOU ONE, THEY DON’T LOVE YOU! LOOK AT ALL THE FUN THESE PAID ACTORS ARE HAVING!

While every generation had their own popular crazes for kids, such as Transformers, Pokémon cards etc, this one looks very stupid in hindsight. I mean to this day you still see Optimus Prime sold in Wal-Mart and I’ve even seen a person buy a booster pack at my local comic store, but I don’t see Bayblades anymore. I mean unless there’s like a Fight Club like scene out there that I don’t know about (I am Jack’s Bayblade).

These shape metal spinners would be thrown into a small plastic “arena” and bump into each other until one stopped spinning. Not exactly the most interesting form of entertainment, at least Magic the Gathering had some strategy to it, this was just stupid luck. But for some reason Bayblades were awesome at the time.

The toy comes from, were else? Japan, and was manufactured by Tomy Co. Ltd. It soon became the basis for a manga series written by Takao Aoki and published by Shogakukan. Soon the franchise found it’s way into the North American market place and became popular for a while…but so were marbles at my grade school.

The real “hook” for the franchise was its television series. It was fast paced and featured some flashy, over the top action that kept kids interested and buying more spinning tops.

However, now the show just looks like a weird melding of Dragon Ball and a children’s top from the great depression, all while featured a rockin’ guitar filled intro song and the most over the top announcers of all time. Seriously they made Chuck Swiersky look tame.

It’s not like this was the only forced attempt to make spinning tops cool. There have been a number of companies over the year that tried to trick kids into being entertained by there flashy spinning plastic, this one just had a show featuring teens yelling at their toys and flying half-way across the room when they lost.

Yes these toys were colourful and got people to buy them, but the fad was just that a fad.

Soon we all just woke up from our stuper and realized just how dumb this whole thing was and moved right back to cool things like Yu-Gi-Oh Cards and underage drinking.

This is just another example of how your childhood sucked.

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