Raw Recap: May 7, 2012

Last week in the WWE Universe; Brock Lesnar acted like a heel, Johnny Ace still wants to wrestle, Daniel Bryan is the contender for the WWE but still jobs to Sheamus, The writing staff remember the Tag Team Division and Triple H no sells a injury in Las Vegas. So there’s only two weeks left till Over the Limit and not even half of the card is made. What do the have for us this week? Let’s find out:

Is he gonna come down to the ring with a skateboard?

We open our show with a package of Laurinaitis (Ace) and his beating of John Cena. After that Ace comes out to the ring to spews of his normal nonsense. He says that no one can challenge his authority. He also says that when he losses his temper he is a force of destruction and he’s going to continue to destroy Cena.

Ace gives us a gift by telling us that he gave Cena the night off to heal up for there match but he will be live to do a interview later in the show.

Ace finishes his promo by saying that he doesn’t want people to make fun of his voice cause he’s hot sh*t. He also show’s off a bunch of pictures from his Japan days and he calls himself the Hulk Hogan/Rock/Stone Cold of Japan.

CM Punk then comes out to do his neutered pipe bomb stuff. Punk cuts Ace down and says he’s going to help him in figuring out what the fans want, namely for Ace to piss off. Punk continues by saying that he has to back track after Lesnar didn’t kill Cena and that he wants to pick the bones.

Ace says that if he wasn’t training he’d kick his ass but tonight he’s going to face Lord Tensai. The promo ends and before we cut to commercial we’re told that after the break they’ll be a rematch for the IC title between The Big Show and Cody Rhodes…yeah?

Is this feud over yet? 

Right after the break we get a back stage promo with Ace, as he walks around. He bumps into Show and he calls him stupid. Show mocks him and turns around to find EVE standing just doing nothing.

Following that earth shattering promo both Rhodes and Show come out to the ring. This feud ran it’s course and doesn’t need to go any farther. Both Cole and Lawler continue to talk about the match at Extreme Rules where Show stepped through a table, they do the whole Heel agrees with the heel and the face doesn’t the say.

The match ends when Rhodes leaves and gets counted out. Show calls Rhodes back to the ring, but he leaves. EVE then comes out.

The Hoeski more or less says that Show should apologies for making fun of Ace’s voice. This goes as you might expect, as Show doesn’t want to but EVE threatens to fire him and spits one out.

After that we find out that one of the main events of the night is a tag match between Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho. I get the Sheamus/Del Rio thing but are Orton and Jericho feuding? I guess I missed that.

What’s better, Air-Truth or Kofi-Truth?

After the break we see the new tag champions Kofi Kingston and R-Truth. Kingston takes on Dolph “Why do the writers hate me?” Ziggler.

During the match we see a backstage shot of Primo and Epico with A.W. they’re talking about stuff. We also hear that they’re not using their rematch for a while. Also we see Fake Batista, Mayson Ryan. Why? Cause.

The finish of the match comes when Swagger interferes and Ziggler wins a match on RAW (there is a god).

Quick call Barbra Walters Cena wants an interview

Following a commercial, we see the hard-hitting journalist Michael Cole as he interviews Cena. I’ll keep this short, he says that his arm is injured and the doctors don’t want him to fight but he’s Cena so he doesn’t care.

Quick get the paint thinner; it’s a Divas match

What’s the worst thing that you could possible see after a long commercial break? A Diva’s tag match. This features Layla and Kelly No Talent as they take on Natalia and…someone else (I guess she’s from NXT). Also Beth Phoenix is doing commentary. Also Beth is going to challenge at the PPV.

Beth makes a good point by say Layla didn’t deserve the title. I’d tell you who won but you don’t care and neither do I.

There’s a whole lot of not caring happening in this match

So after the break, they tell us about Santino Marella’s YouTube show and the clip was horrible. The YouTube thing has been really stupid even the beat show “Are you Serious” is getting tiring.

After that we get the tag team match we heard about before as Jericho (and his light bright jacket) and Del Rio take on Sheamus and Orton.

Cole also pushes the WWE Facebook page, is Facebook the new Twitter for the WWE? It’s already stupid; the WWE could make it even worse.

The match follows the numbers as both Orton and Sheamus get to do their spots like they do in every match. Jericho once again showed off just how good of a heel he is as he taunts both Orton and Sheamus as he’s in control.

The finish comes when Sheamus kicks Orton and Jericho gets to hit the Code-breaker to win the match.

Jericho grabs the title and screams the belt is his. Wouldn’t that be something Del Rio should be saying? I mean they are facing each other at the PPV.

Also after the match Orton RKO’d Sheamus and the crowd still cheers him, I guess people still don’t care about Sheamus all that much.

After the break we see more backstage stuff. Ace says that Big Show didn’t mean his apology and EVE goes out to confront him. After that all of the people from the last match come in and they all fight about who is the contender for the title. Ace makes the title match and Fatal Four Way.

Who gets to job this week?

Following the promo Brodus Clay and his dancers come out and get ready for a match. Before that we get a PSA from Clay, were he tells us to call our momma’s on Mothers Day. Get it cause it’s his catch phrase.

His opponent is The Miz, who has the best reaction to the whole Clay experience as he just looks like beneath him.

Miz gets angry with Clay’s dancers and goes after them. When Clay stops him he uses the distraction to get the advantage. During the match Miz is control, which is something that we haven’t seen from him.

This is by far the longest match that Clay’s match as Miz works on Clay for about five minutes. But, Clay still wins. The crowd gives off a mixed reaction, while their were more cheers they’re was a descent amount of boos that could be heard. Maybe the universe is getting tired of the Funky Dinosaur.

Triple H is too old to sell an injury

So we see a video package from last week when Brock Lesnar attacked Triple H during the show. The package, I might add, added one of the worst broken arm sounds ever. It didn’t happen during event but was heard during the tape. Also he appeared at a Boxing PPV but during this appearance he (along with Justin Bieber) held out a title with his bad arm.

See the arm?

Also, why was Trips allowed to do a boxing event but CM Punk can’t do a UFC event.

So after that he hears that Lesnar was suppose to be at RAW but sent his legal adviser, which happens to Paul Heyman, which is awesome.

Heyman cuts a very good promo saying that Lesnar made a legal agreement with the WWE (i.e. the whole WWE RAW Starring Brock Lesnar thing) and he’s angry about that. Heyman also reads a statement by Lesnar. It more or less says that he’s awesome and everyone else is dumb he’s never coming back cause he quits.

Follow the break, we see the Big Show is talking to two people who are in a show or something, and they talk about stuff. They make fun of Ace’s voice, which makes Show laugh, and EVE walks by and we cut away…thanks.

Are we done yet?

So looking at the clock we see that the main event between Tensai and Punk has about four minutes before the show would end, if they wouldn’t go over it time. Also as Punk comes out Ace says that the match is now a handicap match and he has to face Tensai and Daniel Bryan.

This match is rushed and doesn’t really amount to much. Tensai beats up Punk and Bryan tries to pick the bones.

The match ends when Tensai’s handler distracts the ref to let Bryan and Tensai double team him and win the match with Tensai’s claw.

Bryan after the match uses the Yeslock to beat down Punk.

In the End

This episode was just bad. It was long and slow and didn’t amount to much. EVE just stared at Big Show and CM Punk got beaten up. The only really good thing that happened was the Heyman promo; I’m interested to see where this story goes from here.  So if you missed this one, don’t worry you didn’t miss much.

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