Raw Recap: April 30, 2012

Last night at Extreme Rules: Dolph Ziggler jobbed, Big Show walks through a table, Sheamus continues to be a useless champion, Punk won in Chicago and Cena took Lesnar to AA (not funny?). So with just three weeks till their next PPV, Over the Limit can they start build up some good stories? Will they waste four more Lesnar appearances by putting him in a program with someone this month? Will anyone care? Let’s find out.

Monday Night RAW Staring Brock Lesnar…

After a short video from Extreme Rules we hear the announcer introduce the show as “Monday Night Raw Staring Brock Lesnar” as per the agreement last week. He then introduces Johnny Laurinaitis (Ace). He says he’s revolutionized the WWE with his signing of Lesnar. Lesnar comes out and both as if Cena lost at last nights PPV; it’s kind of strange.

Ace tries to kiss up to Lesnar but Triple H comes out to the ring. Trips says he’s out there to do what Ace should be doing. He says that Lesnar won’t be receiving any of the bonuses that Ace agreed to. He also says that no one is bigger than the WWE, which is funny cause he’s Triple H. How many guys had to job to him?

Ace tries to counter Trips by saying he’s in charge of the contracts, but Trips rips up the contract and says he’s the boss. Trips however says he wants Lesnar there but he has to play by the same rules as everyone else, but just with a larger pay day and a shorter schedule…so not at all like the other wrestlers.

This promo goes on for a while, as it seems like Hunter forgot his line and they had to repeat the same lines about three times.

Lesnar then attacks Trips. Hunter tries to get some offence but Lesnar uses the Kumara on him until a group of Wrestlers come out and save him. Trips sells a broken arm, cause he doesn’t need to be on TV for a while.

After the break we see the Trips is continuing to sell his injury to a group of doctors. Lawler also claims he heard his arm break despite their being no sound but hey this is wrestling not Mad Men.

What TIME is it?

After that EVE comes out with glasses (I guess they want her to look smart? She’ll need a lot more than that for that task) she says that tonight their will be five Beat the Clock challenges to determine the number one contender for the WWE Title.

The first match is one we already saw for free on YouTube last night, as the US Champion Santino faces The Miz. With Santino being the US Title and Miz being the Miz its clear that neither of these two will win.

The match isn’t great due to the poor work rate from both guys. This finish comes when Miz hit his finisher a wins with 4:18.

Did anyone notice that Layla had left?

After the break we’re treated to a triple threat match for the Diva’s Championship. The match is between both of the Bella’s and Layla.

Why?

Who cares?

The match ends in about five seconds as one of Bella pushes the other one and Layla rolls the other one up.

So I guess Jericho still has some TIME on his contract…

Literally five seconds after that match the next one starts. This one is the second beat the clock match between Chris Jericho and his former tag partner the Big Show.

The good thing about these beat the clock matches is that after the first match the matches only last as long as the fastest time. So this match only could last 4:18.

The match isn’t bad, as these two know each other pretty well. Show tries the Vader Time spot but Jericho moves out of the way. Show even tries a small package (although it wasn’t all that small).

The finish comes when Jericho throws Big Show out of the ring. Jericho sidesteps Big Show. Jericho gets back into the ring and ref counts Show out a second after the time runs out. Despite this he still says that Jericho beat the clock.

This confuses everyone and then we cut to break. After the break we find out that he didn’t beat the clock and the ref was just crazy.

Please just Funk off…

So after the break we get our weekly squash match featuring the funky dinosaur. The guest jobber this week is JTG. My first thought was JTG is still on the roster?

So guess who wins? I’m tired of this guy.

Clay then invites some young fans into the ring, and they dance. Moving on.

Before the break both Cole and Lawler throw to a video package that they opened the show with (cause filling a two hour show is just so hard). They then throw to footage of what happened at the beginning of the show. Why? I just watched this; I don’t need to see it again.

They also say that Cena is going to be on the show. We then cut to the back and Ace is passing around the room. EVE tries to calm him down but Ace just stories at her boobs. She goes all Lady Macbeth on him and Ace says that he has an opponent for Cena at the next PPV.

After that Randy Orton come out to the ring. He’s in the beat the clock despite not even being on the show. I know that the whole brand thing doesn’t mean anything but it just seems weird to me.

Do we have TIME for this?

Orton’s opponent thankfully isn’t Kane but Dolph Ziggler’s less talented partner, Jack Swagger.

Once again this match is between two guys who wouldn’t make a very interesting program with CM Punk. While Orton hasn’t been used for anything but he could easily have a feud with…the Brooklyn Brawler? Come to think of it, Orton really doesn’t have anyone to work with.

Swagger goes for more submission-based moves for some reason, as you would think that he would want to finish the match quickly. But the submissions let the crowd get behind Orton as he starts to turn it around with one minute left.

Orton goes for the RKO but Swagger gets the ankle lock. Orton counters his counter and hits the RKO and beats the clock by two seconds.

Holy sh*t a tag team titles match?

Following a commercial we see a tag team title match. The champions Epico and Primo (remember them?) are challenged this time by the team off…R-Truth and Kofi Kingston…great.

The funny thing is that the crowd boos Epico and Primo. When are they even on TV? They’ve been on maybe five RAWs this year.

Before the match, we hear that the Bella’s were fired. Cause fired sounds better than didn’t want to resign a contract. Also WWE.com had a gallery already prepared for such an event weird. I don’t mind cause they’re extremely attractive.

The match actually starts with Primo kicking Lil’ Jimmy, which made me laugh out loud.

After the break, because this match isn’t important, we find out that Lesnar “broke” Triple H’s arm. I mean why would we care about the tag team titles? The writers clearly f*cking don’t.

Seeing how the writers don’t care about the tag division, I don’t either. The finish comes when Kingston hits the Trouble in Paradise and I sh*t you not, they win the belts. I’m guessing next week they’ll be called R-Boom or Lil’ Boom or something dumb like that.

Before the break we find out that the next Beat the Clock match is between Kane and Khali…sigh.

I really don’t have TIME for this f*cking match!

After the break we see Epico, Primo and their manager walking they meet the agent guy and they start to have a conversation but we cut away mid-sentence to Khali dancing in the f*cking ring. Even the directors don’t care about tag division.

So…yeah this match happened. Saying that there was something good in this match would be a lie. This one felt very lonnnnnnnggggggg as they go the whole 4:16. Kane then chock-slams Khali and leaves, the fans continue not to care.

Bryan vs. Punk? About TIME.

So with the final Beat the Clock match we find out that Daniel Bryan (once again not on RAW) is in the next match. A Bryan/Punk program would be awesome. His opponent? Jerry Lawler?

Why? I don’t know but Bryan acts as if it’s easy pickings. Lawler is awesome despite not really getting a chance to shine in this match (no fire balls but he does do the fist off the second rope).

The finish comes when Bryan kicks Lawler in the head and uses the Yeslock to beat Lawler. I can’t wait for this one!

Punk comes out to the ring and they both pose and we cut too commercial.

It’s gonna be Tensai, isn’t it?

After the final commercial we see what happened earlier with Triple H and Lesnar again, cause we’re stupid and Cena comes out to the ring. Also Lawler didn’t come back to the announcer’s table.

He comes out with his arm in a sling, once again he either did a great job of selling or didn’t need to after Extreme Rules. He says he’s OK and he’ll be ready to fight. I don’t think it’s the best idea to put him in another match, we and Cena could use a few months of Cena-free RAWs.

Ace comes out and Cena makes fun of him and makes an obscure reference (How remembers No Holds Bared?).

He introduces his opponent…or at least tries to; Tensai’s music comes out before he can finish his sentence. I’m not sure if this was a mistake, cause it wouldn’t be the first one tonight on the technical side.

Tensai and his handler surround Cena but Ace attacks Cena and says his opponent for Over The Limit is himself Johnny Ace. The beat him up and work on his arm. This one seems really dumb and even Michael Cole seems confused as Ace uses a chair on Cena’s arm.

The final image we see is off Cena in pain as Ace leaves the arena.

In the End…

Something that is extremely confusing to me is just how good of a job they did of setting up matches for the next PPV. We know the WWE Title match and it’s interesting, there probably be a rematch for the Tag Titles and…then there’s the Cena/Ace match, which is interesting. The writers almost seem to care this month.

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