While I don’t watch Impact wrestling (even I have standards) I still chose to watch there PPV Lockdown without any idea of the storylines or who some of the people are. So hear are the bullet points:
Lethal Lockdown: Team Eric vs. Team Eric’s Son…Geoff?
So our first match was the Lethal Lockdown, which is kind of the companies Elimination Chamber. The match however this match has more than a title at steak but a name as well. Firstly, how can you lose a name in a match? Secondly, this match has incredible dumb rules. It’s very similar to the old WCW Wargames cage match but that one was cool because of the two rings. The finish comes when Eric’s son Michael…or John (don’t care) hit’s Eric with a guitar and wins the match.
Tag Titles: Samoa Joe and Magnus vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Let me say that the Motor City Machine Guns are way to good to be in TNA, ROH could use these guys. They’re a great tag team. Despite the abilities of the Guns the match brings up one question: Why are there tags? It’s a cage match, are there really rules?
The other thing that comes to mind is just how bad Taz is at commentary. I have no idea what he’s saying half of the time and drags down the product.
Magnus and Joe wins after they do their tag team combo thing.
TV Title Robbie E vs. Devon
Before the match we were treated to a Robbie E promo and I have no idea what he’s talking about, he just shouts for thirty seconds and the promo ends.
The match, isn’t that great and ends with Devon getting a spin buster and pinning Robbie E. Then his bodyguard Robbie T kicks the crap out of Devon. While T does his job, he’s still not as good as Kevin Costner. Despite the TV title no one in the crowd gives a crap.
Woman’s Title…Gal Kim Wins
See the title….
Promo: Ric Flair wants to Wrestle Hogan…again
Ric Flair comes out saying that he’s pissed off, and that he wants to fight the new GM Hogan.
The NEW GM Hulk Hogan comes out and says, “The New GM is the GM and Eric Biscoff isn’t going to be in Impact Wrestling anymore.”
He then punches out Flair like Batman did to Guy Garner in JLI. Flair then challenges anyone at ringside including Mike Touna (that’s a fight I’d like to see, not Flair and Hogan again).
A sand bag vs. a brick wall…I mean Crimson vs. Matt Morgan
This match is dumb, this storyline is dumb and no one cares. The fact that people could care about this feud is amazing to me. Oh and Crimson wins but escaping the cage.
The jock vs. the Goth
Following that disaster we get a…shock…good match. The match Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy isn’t about titles but about the fact that Angles son is a fan of Hardy. Do I have to say how dumb that sounds?
One of the things that comes up, kind of, during the match is Kurt Angles “injury.” The commentators talked about his “injury” that he got while training but Hardy didn’t do a damn thing about it. Kurt also seems to be able to walk pretty well with his leg “injury” which makes me think that he didn’t want to try out for the Olympics, but what do I know.
The match has some great spots. Namely when Kurt hit a super Olympic Slam, and Hardy hitting two Swantons in a row, both of which didn’t end the match. The finish comes when Hardy hits the Swanton off the cage and the crowd lets everyone know that it’s awesome.
WTF is this? Knockout tag Title
Soooooooooooo, not only is Eric Young “married” he’s one half of the Knockout tag champs (a tag title that’s even more of a joke than the WWE Tag Titles) how does that even work? HE doesn’t even wrestle in the match his partner ODB doesn’t all the work.
This match was the time killer and ended in about five minutes. Eric Young and ODB keep the titles. Moving on.
TNA Title: Storm vs. ROOOOOOOOO
So the match that TNA has been working up too for the past four or five months happens, Partner vs. Partner for the TNA title.
The match doesn’t’ start right away as ROOOOOO takes too long so Storm beats him up outside the cage. During the fight ROOOOO busts Storm open. He throws him into the ring and the match starts. Due to the fight outside the ring we don’t get the Jeremy Borash introductions, mostly the “Bobby ROOOOOOOO.
During the match we keep seeing shots of Storm’s wife and some country singer, this is important cause they’re in Nashville I guess.
They go back and forth and the match is pretty good as by the half way point both men are cut wide open (note that aside from some hardway bleeding done by Hardy there wasn’t a lot of blood, but there still was blood, something WWE doesn’t due during their cage based PPVs). ROOOOOO gets a cross-face (once again something you won’t see in WWE for a while).
The finish comes when Storm stops leaving the cage, due to ROOOOOO flipping him off. Storm tries to hit a super kick but ROOOOOO pulls Storm into the way. ROOOOO then hits Storm with a bottle but Storm kicks out (ROOOOO looks at the camera and asks “What the f*ck?”). Storm then hits a desperation super kick. Storm kicks ROOOO again but he falls throw the cage door and retains the title.
Everyone in the crowd is kind of indifferent to the finish. Storm grabs the belt throws it down and hungs his wife. The PPV ends with a shot of ROOOOOO lying on the ground.
In the end…
So despite the fact that it’s a TNA PPV it wasn’t terrible. TNA has done much worse PPVs in the past and will in the future. The Angle/Hardy match wasn’t that bad, but the cards wasn’t that great.